Mary Tolman

Mary Tolman Obituary, West Point, UT :: Myers Mortuary

Helpless but Hopefull

We Shall Never Forget (9-11 Tribute)

 

Let the world always remember,

That fateful day in September,

And the ones who answered duties call,

Should be remembered by us all.

Who left the comfort of their home,

To face perils as yet unknown,

An embodiment of goodness on a day,

When men's hearts had gone astray.

Sons and daughters like me and you,

Who never questioned what they had to do,

Who by example, were a source of hope,

And strength to others who could not cope.

Heroes that would not turn their back,

With determination that would not crack,

Who bound together in their ranks,

And asking not a word of thanks.

Men who bravely gave their lives,

Whose orphaned kids and widowed wives,

Can proudly look back on their dad,

Who gave this country all they had.

Actions taken without regret,

Heroisms we shall never forget,

The ones who paid the ultimate price,

Let's never forget their sacrifice.

And never forget the ones no longer here,

Who fought for the freedoms we all hold dear,

And may their memory never wane,

Lest their sacrifices be in vain.

Alan W. Jankowski

 

Helpless....watching the World Trade Center fall, the Pentagon, and the heroic passengers on Flight 93. How could something like this happen? How could I help? I only graduated High School 3 months earlier. I had just finished my last summer as a "kid". Started a new job. Slowly working my way into the adult world. 9/11 made me realize that I was no longer a kid. Life was no fairytale. And yet I was so far away physically that sometimes it felt after watching live and then the news coverage over the next few days there was nothing I could do to help.

 

What could I an 18 year old hundreds of miles away do? We should or patriotic side, prayed, and kept on keeping on. I often would find myself thinking about the people who could have caused such devastation. How could someone do this to someone else? How could there be such evil in the world? But hope in humanity through the stories of people helping each other out of the buildings, people running in those same buildings. People picking each other up off the ground and running with them.


Lydia's thank you note from a few years ago

The stories of people like Frank De Martini and Pablo Ortiz who saved 77 people from the 88th floor. Flight attendant Betty Ong from Flight 11 who reported the hijacking of the first Airplane so when others went off radar traffic controllers where aware of the possibility of more hijackings. Stories of many others gave me something to cling to not all people are bad. And that is something to be grateful for.

 

Lydia's thank you note

And now 14 years later I realize that sometimes a few bad people will still try to hurt humanity. And if I let myself dwell on it I would feel hopeless. But hopeless and helpless are dark areas to be. Light cannot exist where darkness is. So I must choose to look to the light. To have HOPE. To watch for the heros, our uniformed ones as well as ordinary people who are given the opportunity to choose to step up and do. Hope that this world that I am raising my children in will one day be a place that they feel safe. Safe to live their lives and if they choose, a place that they will feel safe raising children of their own. That is my greatest hope. THEY are my greatest HOPE.

L to R: Lydia, Alex, Chase, AJ, Taylie, Tracie, Austin

 

 

 

TBT: Great Grandma Jones

Back row: Donna Lee Greer Tolman and Fern Jones Greer
Front Row: Tracie Fern Tolman Turner and Veda Eggleston Jones

 

An Advocate for My Daughter: Lydia's tonsillectomy

Lydia is a very smart girl, she reads at a 5th grade level and is one of the top students in her class. She was awarded Student of the Month in September. She loves school. That being said she gets sick very easily. By mid November she had missed more than 20 days of school to fevers and sore throats. We took her to see Dr. R, the ENT who had done the twins tonsillectomies when they were three, who we absolutely love. He is great with kids. Lydia told him that she was tired of missing school and just wanted to feel better, but she didn't want what happened to me (I would suggest reading my story if you haven't to help understand events that will take place later) to happen to her. He assured her and me that it was rare for bleeding like mine to occur and that she should be just fine. He asked when we would like to have it done and Lydia said as soon as possible, not over Christmas break because she wanted to be better for her Baptism. So it was decided that on December 9th we would bring her in to have them removed. She had to have a pre op first and weighed in at a whopping 51 lbs. I say this jokingly because for her height and age she is considered underweight. She eats well but has a very high metabolism.

Lydia waiting for surgery December 9th 2013

She is such a brave girl, she went in with a smile on her face. Excited that she would start to feel better. She did not cry once. She was taken back and the surgery it self was fairly uneventful. We met her in recovery and where able to take her home with in the hour. We were told that it was normal for her to vomit the first day because of the anesthesia but anything after that was cause for concern. And to make sure she drank plenty of water.

Taylie taking care of Lydia December 9th 2013

Her siblings were very worried about her, she is their rock. They took great care of her though making sure that she had her pillows and blankets and anything else she might need. Taylie and Lydia slept with us. Lydia so we could manage her pain and Taylie because she wanted to care for her sister.

Lydia vomited several times the first day as expected, but it continued for several days after. Anything she drank or ate didn't stay down for long. I was in contact with the Doctors office every single day. We pushed fluids, we made her eat, we changed pain meds but nothing seemed to help. It got to the point where she would sleep most of the day, couldn't walk by herself, and had to be spoon fed she was that weak. We were very concerned for her, but as a parent seeing her everyday we didn't see how quickly she was deteriorating. The doctors office final gave her something for the nausea on Friday. She seemed to do much better after that. She was able to keep food and liquids down longer but was still very, very, weak.

Saturday was our Ward Christmas party. She wanted to go so bad that I carried her in and Alex carried her to see Santa. It was here that many people including her Aunts and Uncles saw her for the first time. Many people approached us about how she was doing and feeling and everyone of them kept saying "She looks really bad". We were encouraged though that she was now eating little bits and drinking and thought she was on the up and up. She had even started to get a little of her spunky personality back.

Lydia the night of the Ward Christmas party.

Sunday came and she still seemed to be improving. All through the week she never cried. She is a brave girl. Sunday as we started to drift she started to vomit again. I held her hair and Taylie patted her back. I didn't have my glasses on and without them can't see 5 inches in front of my face, so when Taylie said "Mommy Lydia has blood" I scrambled to find them. Sure enough she was vomiting up lots and lots of blood and clots. I called for Alex and told him that I was taking her to the Emergency Room. He would meet me there later once we could get ahold of my parents. My mom watched the kids, the boys having no idea what was happening but Taylie was a very scared little girl. My Dad and Alex gave her a blessing. And within 20 minutes of arriving in the Emergency room she was once again in surgery. I could see the scared look on her face, but she still was brave. She didn't cry a single tear.

She was in surgery for almost 2 hours. When they were finally done about 1 am we were told that she had lots of old blood in her belly which was the reason that she had been so sick and unable to keep anything down. It didn't matter what we would have given her for nausea or change in medications she would have remained very sick. They admitted her because of the blood loss and because in one week she had lost 12 lbs. She was under 40lbs and they were very concerned for her as were we.

Lydia in her hospital bed December 16th 2013

I want to make one thing clear, Alex and I love Lydia very much. We had no idea she was so sick. There was no way we could have known. Yes she dropped a lot of weight but we were with her everyday and when you are with someone everyday it is hard to see the change that to others who haven't seen her for a few days would notice immediately. We were in contact with Dr. R who had done her surgery everyday. We wanted her to be better. It is not fun watching your child be so sick. But she never threw up any of that old blood, just the food and liquids we fed her. Why I don't know, but until she started throwing up the fresh blood from the scabs rupturing we never saw any blood. I also want to say that the Doctor who did her second surgery did a wonderful job and was so kind and sweet with her. He told her that she was the bravest patient he had ever seen as she still through all of this hadn't cried.

Alex left to be with the children and I slept in the hospital bed with Lydia. She was in a lot of pain and rightfully so, she had just had major surgery all over again. The nurses though had orders that until she ate a certain amount of calories she could only have Tylenol. And that she had to eat and drink a certain amount in an allotted time period or it started all over. They never told Lydia or I this. All we knew is that if she ate or drank this then she could go home! She awoke at 10am and I gently coaxed her to drink and eat. And then they would add something else that had to be ate and drank while still not giving her anything for pain but Tylenol. By 4pm my brave, sweet girl, broke into tears. She felt betrayed. She felt like they were dangling a carrot in front of her but no matter what she did she would never be able to obtain it. She missed her siblings, she missed her own pillow and special blankets. She missed her home. And she didn't want to be in pain anymore.

Lydia in as she calls them her ugly green socks.

Watching her break down, holding her while she cried, and feeling like somehow I betrayed her trust to because I kept telling her "just eat this and we can go" broke my heart. I felt so alone. It also infuriated me. I called Alex and he said that we were taking her home that night no matter what and that they needed to give her something for the pain or he would come pick me up and we would walk out against medical advice.

I went out to the nurses desk to talk with them. It was about 5pm then and they FINALLY told me about the certain amount in a certain time period. I was livid. Lydia isn't a baby, she is a smart girl and could understand the reasoning behind this. And I as a parent could also, had they told me at 10am when she woke up instead of 5pm I could have been pushing her harder to eat so she could go. So she would have never felt betrayed. I asked about pain management so she could eat better to which the nurse replied that "she is 6 days post op and shouldn't need pain meds"

And that is when the momma bear in me came lose. I told them that I had this very same surgery just last year and I knew the pain that she was feeling and that she had major surgery and her recovery process had started over and it indeed is very painful. BECAUSE I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT! The nurse looked at me with disdain and said she doubted that she was in that much pain. I told her that they get the doctor on the phone and get an order for something besides Tylenol to ease her pain or get me the papers to leave against medical advise because if they were not going to treat her pain here so she could eat and drink and begin to recover than I would take her home where I could manage her pain because she still had medication left from the original surgery. To which the nurse sarcastically replied: We are not going to let you take her home just so you can keep her doped up.

I thought I was angry before, and luckily for that nurse I am not a violent person, because I wanted to jump that counter and hit her. It is her job as a medical professional to do no harm, to keep her patients and the family informed on what is going on so that the patient and the family are not frustrated and the recovery process is easier. They gave me no information on what was going on until I came to them. They should have been up front with me and Lydia about what was expected from her in a certain time period so she could go home and so they could give her something stronger for the pain. I called Alex and he said to meet him at the front doors he was on his way to pick us up.

I again went to speak with the nurse and told her again to get us discharged. Because one way or another she would not be staying there another night. I think she realized that they should have had better communication with us. She worked to get Lydia discharged and I still was having her eat and drink so that they could see that yes, we want her to feel better, that we just don't want to dope her up, and while they where working on doing what I wanted, I was trying to encourage Lydia to do as they wanted. To eat and drink in a certain amount of time.

They were able to get her discharged with in the hour and what do you know they even gave her a prescription for additional pain medication because the Doctor had ordered it. I don't think the nurse was happy about it. But I don't care. The doctor knew that this surgery would cause more pain. And I am sure that he had prescribed it for her to be given if she ate and drank in a certain time period. What happened was a failure to communicate these instructions from the Doctor to us. And I believe that had I not gone out there to find out what was going on we would not have been told. And that they would have kept her for another day. She was so relieved to be home and once she was given her dose of pain medication was eating and drinking like a starving person which I am sure she was.

Lydia the day after her second surgery December 17th 2013
Does she look over dosed to you?

Within 24 hours of being home she looked better than she had before the surgery, she was eating and drinking and was no longer sick to her stomach. It was amazing to see such a change in such a short amount of time. It was so nice having her home with us and seeing her get better. Taylie however after watching Lydia throw up blood and then me rushing her off and not bringing her back was very concerned. She slept between Lydia and I and about every 15 minutes over the next 3 nights she would wake up with blood curling screams. "Mommy! Lydia!" over and over. Grasping for our faces and when she would find them hold our cheeks against her little ones saying "don't leave" until she would drift off and her arms would loosen and then she would jerk awake again. She didn't understand what had happened, why I had to take Lydia away so fast. She just knew that we are her safe zone and without us there she felt lost.

By Christmas Eve Lydia was her old self again, still very, very, skinny but happier than I had seen her in a long time. I love her spunky personality. And as of the date of writing this she has gained all the weight she had lost back. She now is 50lbs again.

Christmas Eve 2013
She is just so fun and loving and great to be around

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that I had to go through what I did with my tonsils so that I could be an advocate for my daughter when she had hers done. It really helped me to understand the atonement better. Jesus is able to be our advocate with the Father because he knows our pain. He suffered that we may return to live with Them. And so that He would know how to comfort us. And He willingly volunteered because of His love for us. I would suffer the pain of my tonsillectomy a thousand times over if it means that I can stop my child from having to feel that same pain. I realized that as I was hurting, my heartbreaking for my child, wanting to take the pain away from her but knowing that I couldn't made me turn to my Heavenly Father. It made me think of the love He has for His children. I am so grateful for the atonement, that we can live again as a family unit. And for my older brother Jesus and His love for me that makes it possible. And for my knowledge that I AM a Daughter of God. And that He loves me and that I am His. And through the Atonement I can return to live with Him. I am thankful for the Priesthood and what a blessing if is in my life. And for the men in my life that keep themselves worthy of that Priesthood. For I know that through Heavenly Father and his Priesthood I have seen miracles happen. And for the power of prayer, from family, friends, and my fire wife sisters. I could feel your prayers keeping me going. Thank you.

For the record, I believe that Healthcare providers are doing their jobs because they care. I would never recommend that someone should leave care against medical advice. However as parents it is our job to protect our children. And once I lost all confidence in this nurse and the care that they were providing for my child and that she was not being open with me about my child's care I believe that she was doing her more harm than good. And it became my responsibility at that point to make sure that Lydia was getting the best care she could get. Whether it was at home with us or at a different hospital.  We would have taken Lydia elsewhere if we felt that she was not doing better. We would never withhold medical care from our children. If you are a healthcare provider please be open and honest with your patients and their families so that they don't feel left in the dark and betrayed. Make sure they understand what is expected of them. So that they can assist in helping themselves or their loved ones get better.

Dollar Tree Duet

Every Tuesday Taylie has dance class from 1:45-2:30, so the boys and I will run errands or their favorite: exploring the Dollar Tree. They have so much fun finding little treasures and looking for something for "their best girls", their sisters. They open their car doors, help them out of the car and escort them and me into where ever we are going. They love to be gentleman. They walk my visiting teachers to their cars and open their doors too. It warms my heart to see them try to be gentleman. We have had to help them learn that it is okay to ask if they can help an elderly person down the hall at church or to their car. It is not okay to loudly tell them "You are old, let me help you" over and over again.

The Dollar Tree employees are so nice to my kids and love to ask them questions and how school is going. Just don't tell them they have the same face. I think they chased that employee half way around the building telling him that they are twins! It was pretty funny.

Two weeks ago while waiting to check out they heard the customer in front of us say the sleeping medicine her doctor put her on makes her forget her alphabet in English and in Spanish. And the next thing I know my boys are singing their ABC's at the top of their lungs for this women. She was very friendly and asked them to help her sing it so she could remember. So their duo became a trio and they started to gather quite the crowd. My children love to preform, they have never been the shy type and so of course they were delighted with the attention they were receiving. The lady thanked them for helping her remember. As the cashier started to ring up our purchases of Valentine decorations the woman thanked them again for singing with her and asked them to sing it one more time. They happily obliged and the trio put on one last performance of the Alphabet song which was greeted with a round of applause from the workers and a few other customers. Which pleased them very much and made their day.

While I am sure not all of the customers where happy to hear the alphabet. To this mom, whose babies where preemie, and have had a hard time learning their alphabet and recognizing letters it made my heart swell with joy. They have picked up so much these last three months and are enjoying Kindergarten so much. They hate when the weekend comes or holidays because it means they will miss school and their teacher Mr. Meilkhe who they just adore. I am so glad that they are loving school and can't believe that my little boys are old enough to be there.

We love you AJ and Austin and are so proud of the young men you are becoming, your caring for others, and how hard you have been working at school. You are both going to do great things if you keep on studying and being the gentleman you so love to be.

So if you are ever bored on a Tuesday afternoon between 1:45 and 2:30 just stop by Dollar Tree, because you never know when you might be serenaded by two of the most handsome boys you will ever see.

 

Wordless Wednesday

A hundredfold

 

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."
- Joseph B Wirthlin
Our Heavenly Father loves us, we are his children. We were sent to Earth to make choices, receive a body, and have free agency. While he may not step in and stop the bad from happening I promise that he will never forsake you and that his Angels both in heaven and earth will help us bear our burdens. Trust in Him. Have faith in Him. That you might one day receive the blessing of exhalation and have that which has caused you to grieve be turned into blessing one hundred fold. His arms are open beckoning us to come and turn our burdens over to him.

Below is the story of a young mother who at the age of 28 was left a widow with 5 children to raise the youngest being just 6 weeks old. Her husband was murdered by the husband of the person he was having an affair with. An affair which she did not know about. It is her journey of healing and forgiveness. 

http://themomentswestand.blogspot.com/

Great Grandpa's Pumpkin Roller: 5 years later

 

 Since the day she was born Lydia and her Great Grandpa had a special relationship, she referred to him and my Grandma as "The Greats" and she was his pumpkin roller. Why pumpkin roller I don't really know.....other than can you think of anything cuter than a baby in a pumpkin patch?

The Greats were always so cute with her, she loved to play at their house and they loved having her there.

 

She would help them get ready for bed, tucking them in and getting cotton for Great Grandma's ears so she couldn't hear Great Grandpa snore. She loved to tap dance for them. Every Saturday evening we would turn on the Lawrence Welk Show and she would put her church shoes on and dance her little heart out and they would clap and clap. This also would happen when they would watch Singing in the Rain.

 

Right before Lydia's third birthday we found a bear in a trench coat that sang "Singing in the Rain" and my mom decided it would be the perfect gift for her. A few days before her birthday Grandpa got sick. We were told that he would have a few days left and I knew in my heart that he was going to pass away on Lydia's birthday. He wasn't responsive to hardly anyone and as the days past the less responsive he came. He gave Lydia the most wonderful gift he could give. The last words he spoke were to her, she had told him she loved him and he opened his eyes and said I love you to pumpkin roller.

Lydia and her Singing in the Rain bear

Lydia's 3rd Birthday

Shortly after her party Grandpa returned to his Heavenly Father and his mother and father who he missed so much. Every New Years Eve he would tell us "Today's my moms birthday, she would be__ today" (Happy 109th Birthday Great Grandma Greer!) It was a blessing that he was no longer suffering from Alzheimer and dementia but him passing on Lydia's birthday makes the day bitter sweet. She has a hard time with it, I try hard to remind her of their good times and the precious gift he gave her and continues to give. It has been 5 years and we miss him so much!

Lydia 8 years old

Shortly after her 8th birthday Lydia had her tonsils out (I will tell more of that story later) and she had complications like I did. She was kept over night and the next day in the hospital. I felt so alone up there, Alex was home with our other kids and my parents where working and Lydia slept a lot. I would watch her sleep. And wonder if there was anyone watching from the other side, and if so why couldn't I feel them with me?

Lydia and I resting at the Hospital

When we got home she came into my bedroom and said, mom do you remember Grandpa who passed away? I had a dream he came to me, he was wearing my favorite shirt and he told me to tell you not to worry that "Grandpa is here".

 

Knowing the special bond they had of course it would make sense that he would be watching over her and me from the other side especially during her tonsillectomy (I am sure there was others there too). And ever since then I have heard songs that he taught me,  Loch Lomond and Don't Fence Me In. And seen quite a few Tumbling Tumbleweeds.  It makes me miss him very much but I know that he is close and that "The Greats" will be there for Lydia's baptism this weekend as will all of her loved ones that have passed already. If they wouldn't miss it while they are alive, why would they miss it from the other side.

 

In his talk "The Ministry of Angels"  Elder Jeffrey R Holland states:

 

My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.” ¹³ On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.

 

May we all believe more readily in, and have more gratitude for, the Lord’s promise as contained in one of President Monson’s favorite scriptures: “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, … my Spirit shall be in your [heart], and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” ¹⁴ In the process of praying for those angels to attend us, may we all try to be a little more angelic ourselves—with a kind word, a strong arm, a declaration of faith and “the covenant wherewith [we] have covenanted.” ¹⁵ Perhaps then we can be emissaries sent from God when someone, perhaps a Primary child, is crying, “Darkness … afraid … river … alone.” To this end I pray in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen."

 

I know this to be true and I too say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.



For Time and All Eternity: LDS Temples



Zoe Elizabeth Tolman

 I will never forget the day this little girl walked into my life. With her beautiful blond hair and stunning eyes and her spunky personality. She was splashing away in the swimming pool with my brother and her mom. She was laughing and talking a mile a minute. It was love at first site. I had to stop myself several times from saying "Come see Aunt Tracie!" Because I wasn't  her Aunt, although it may have slipped out once or twice.

 

My brother had always told us that he would never marry and if he did it wouldn't be for a very, very, long time. So when he brought a date to our family reunion it was a BIG DEAL. And not just that he had brought a date but one with this beautiful little girl, I had to hide my shock. Because he told me that he was waiting to have kids till Lydia was old enough to baby sit for him. I don't know if he knew it then or not, but I did. This little girl was going to be my niece.  

 

And it wasn't long before this:

 

Once they were engaged Derek's name was placed on her Birth Certificate. He was on his Mission when she was born, but her biological father chose not to be involved. And that is okay, she is his. They have the same personality and if you didn't know it you couldn't tell because she looks just like him. He is her Dad, and she is my niece!

 

And on January 8, 2010 They were sealed for Time and All Eternity:

Jaydie, Derek, and Zoe

Lydia, Zoe, and Trinity

Jaydie, Derek, and Zoe

 Other than my own Temple Sealing, watching families and couples be joined together for Time and All Eternity is some of the most sacred and beautiful experiences I have ever had. People who through adoption, or are already married to finally receive those wonderful blessings that they have waited for, to have the people they love sealed to them forever there is nothing quite like it. It is a very special experience. And once you are Sealed any children born to you are yours forever too!

 

A few weeks ago I was teaching Zoe's class in church and during singing time we sang the song: Families can be Together Forever she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said: Aunt Tracie do you remember when I was sealed to my family forever? I do it was the most wonderful day! It was hard for me to hold my tears back and I wrapped my arms around her and told her I did, and it was a wonderful day!

 

A few days later her little brother Rockwell was born, he had trouble breathing and was in the NICU for a few days. Our family prayed and fasted for his health and for his parents. He is home now and doing well.

Zoe, Jaydie, Rockwell, Derek, Pyper

In our religion we believe that when we are married in the Temple that it is not just for this life, but that the family unit continues after death. For Time and All Eternity. Isn't that wonderful! I know it is true, and that we are not just sealed to our spouse and children but to our parents and grandparents as well if they were sealed in the Temple.

Adam and Jeryka

 What a wonderful day it was watching Adam and his wife Jeryka being Sealed, the joy on their faces will not be something I will ever forget.

Brad, Kristin, and Shaylee

 Brad, Kristin, and Shaylee on the day they were Sealed. I remember the spirit was so strong when they brought Shaylee in there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Such a wonderful day.

Alex and I, Alex being Sealed, Meleah's Sealing and Kolya's Endowment

The top picture is of Alex and I on our Wedding day when we were Sealed as Husband and Wife, for Time and All Eternity. The middle picture is of Alex and his family on the day he and his brother where Sealed to their new parents. Alex and Kolya are adopted and so even though his parents where married in the Temple they still needed to be Sealed to them.

 

The bottom picture is of my niece Meleah, she is so special! She made me an Aunt! She was 18 months old when Alex and I got married. She was adopted by Alex's mom and Dad last summer. She was so excited she could hardly hold still! It was a blessing that she had waited a long time for, all of us had and the excitement in the air was very contagious and lasted all day. Alex's brother Kolya also went through the Temple for the first time that day. It was a day full of spiritual blessings.

 

I am so blessed to have the gospel in my life, especially the blessings of the Temple. That my husband, children, parents, brothers, nieces, nephews, brother and sister in laws, Alex's parents, and all our grandparents will be a family forever. I couldn't ask for anything better.

My family
Austin, Alex, Tracie, AJ
Lydia, Taylie

Salt Lake Temple
For Time and All Eternity
Alex and Tracie
March 5, 2005

To learn more about LDS Temples please visit: www.lds.org





Stronger....

Tell me, Mom...Where were you on 9/11?

These are some pictures we took on the 10th Anniversary

at the bridge near our home town, the local fire departments

set up this flag for the 9/11 Memorial Riders

 

I am sorry this is a few days late, this years Anniversary has been more difficult than I thought it would be. My baby is growing up, she is learning about 9/11 in school and wanted to watch some of the memorial videos about that day. My Lydia is almost 8, but as we have said since birth she is an old soul. She told us just tonight she may be 8 but she is going on 18.

"Mom, where were you when you found out about the towers?" she asked as we were watching one of the documentaries.

"Mom, how old where you?"

"Mom, did you watch them fall?"

"Mom, what did you feel?"

"Mom, how do you feel about it now that you are the wife of a fireman?"

She would ask me these questions every few minutes, or ask for a clarification on what was being said. We would pause the show and her and I would talk. It brought so many raw feelings from that day back, also some that since becoming the wife of a fireman mean so much more now. She would listen and sometimes we would cry together.

I was 18 when the towers fell, I awoke to my younger brothers telling me one plane had hit a building in New York City. No, it can't be, what a horrible accident.

Accident, it had to be. What else could it be? But deep in the back of my head I knew, but my heart did not want to believe that something, someone would want to harm so many people.

I sat that morning before work, feeling numb. Watching. Hoping. I watched the second plane hit the South Tower. And then I knew my head was right. Terrorists. How did I feel, shock, sadness, disbelief. But most of all the loss of innocence. I would never view the world through the eyes of a child again. This doesn't happen these days. We aren't at war, Pearl Harbor I had read about in my history books at school. The Civil War, WWI, WWII.  This was history folding out in front of me, in front of the whole word to see in a way like it had never happened before. Live. We were under attack.

I got ready for work and learned the first tower had fell, the second fell as I drove to work and heard reports of other hijacked planes. My heart hurt at the loss of life, for the families, for our nation. I don't remember feeling anger though. Just the feeling that I had been catapulted into an adult world, a world that would never be the same. The evil that we try to shelter our children from, but I was no longer a child. Terrorism did exist. We were under attack, being pushed into war from an unknown assailant.

The next day my Dad, Grandpa Greer, and I moved my Uncle and his family to Kansas. The sky was so eerily quiet. The normally quiet roads through Wyoming to the small town in Kansas seemed packed with people. And we had no hotel to stay in. I was amazed that in each small town we passed there was no rooms. We raced another family from one hotel to the next trying to find the last available room. 

I remember listening to President Bush and his "I hear you, and the world hears you, and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon!" The pride I felt as an American, viewing the people "the helpers", the flags, the GOD BLESS AMERICA and hearing the wonderful stories of people helping people. Of Flight 93, and those who fought back. Sacrificing themselves, that others might live. I have heard it said that it was the first fight on the war of 9/11 and they won. I couldn't agree more. They gave a mourning nation hope.

I was 22 when I married my husband, a fireman. I was so proud of him, I knew the importance it was to him and even joined him until we started having kids. I have learned so much being a member of this wonderful Brotherhood. I have learned so much being a fire wife. I know my last few posts have been fire related but it is such a big part of both our lives.

At 28, the ten year anniversary Alex and I lay in our room watching a documentary on 9/11 when I heard it, a sound that at 18 I did not know what it was. But as former firewoman and fire wife it pierced my soul, it was the sound of 343 PASS devices, Calling out of the dust, hear I am find me. I cried on 9/11. I cried more that night realizing what that sound represented to the families of the fireman, and the fireman who were still standing.

And now at 30, having to explain to my children when they ask, Tell me Mom...Where were you? And knowing that they at such a young age are beginning to realize that the world they live in isn't always safe.

My Grandpa Greer fought in WWII, he rushed the beaches of Okinawa. We tried to get him to talk to us about the war, but he rarely did other than to show us the planes he rode on.

He wanted to keep us young, I believe. And I am so grateful for that.

Lydia attends a Charter School that classes go up to 9th grade so when events like the shooting yesterday we feel we must ask what she has heard. Make sure if she has heard anything that it is the correct information, and answer any questions she might have.

It broke my heart today as I watched tears run down her cheeks and she said "Not again, not so close to 9/11, why?"

"Why?" A question for so many events, but we never will have all of the answers.

There were angels there yesterday, as there where on 9/11. Human and Heavenly. And hearing Lydia say that put a smile on my face.

"It hurts, but I will look for the helpers. Angels are all around us."

This poem is one I have shared every 9/11 since that 10th Anniversary, it was written by a man whom I am pleased to call my friend. It describes best what I felt that day and still do.

 

We Shall Never Forget (9-11 Tribute)

 

Let the world always remember,

That fateful day in September,

And the ones who answered duties call,

Should be remembered by us all.

 

Who left the comfort of their home,

To face perils as yet unknown,

An embodiment of goodness on a day,

When men's hearts had gone astray.

 

Sons and daughters like me and you,

Who never questioned what they had to do,

Who by example, were a source of hope,

And strength to others who could not cope.

 

Heroes that would not turn their back,

With determination that would not crack,

Who bound together in their ranks,

And asking not a word of thanks.

 

Men who bravely gave their lives,

Whose orphaned kids and widowed wives,

Can proudly look back on their dad,

Who gave this country all they had.

 

Actions taken without regret,

Heroisms we shall never forget,

The ones who paid the ultimate price,

Let's never forget their sacrifice.

 

And never forget the ones no longer here,

Who fought for the freedoms we all hold dear,

And may their memory never wane,

Lest their sacrifices be in vain.

 

Alan W. Jankowski



To learn what a Pass Device is click here.
 

Wordless Wednesday: Family Picture (minus the second row)

 Back: Donna (mom), Dean (dad), Dixie, Sander
2nd row back: Tyler, Adam, Grandma Greer, Taylor
Middle row: Jane, Brent, Grandpa Greer, Ben
2nd row: unknown
Front row: Crystal, Brad, Tracie, Derek, Jaron
Oct 2000, One of my favorite trips
Universal Studios Hollywood

Tolman Cousins!

Dean Tolman, Tom Tolman, Tracie Tolman Turner

Hearts of the Past: Clarence Devan Tolman 10/19/1923-08/19/2003

Hearts of the Past: Clarence Devan Tolman 10/19/1923-08/19/2003:   It has been ten years since I last saw your smiling face. You told me you were going home, asked if I wanted to go. If only I kn...

Wordless Wednesday: March 5, 2013

Wordless Wednesday: Missing my Grandparents

God is that you?

I took Taylie to the bathroom during church Sunday and as I was pulling up her little tights she looked  up to the ceiling and said: God is that you?

I looked around and asked her who she was talking to and she said no one. It was so cute. I hope that all my kids can realize that God is always there for them, loves them, and knows them by name. Even if they can't see him.

And lastly I hope they know that they are sons and daughters of God and that he loves them as much if not more that Alex and I do. They where His children before they were ours. And one day we will be able to walk back into His presence and we will know him and love him as we do our Father and also remember our Mother their. And that we will be together forever someday, as one huge family unit. How awesome will that day be?

WWFD: West Webster Fire Department LODD 12/24/12

THE WEBSTER FALLEN

 by Steven Olivo.

‘Twas the day before Christmas, around 5:58,
When two heroes appeared at the Heavenly gates
Their badges were crosses, their uniforms blue,
How they had got there, they hadn’t a clue.

“A moment ago we were fighting a fire,
To save a neighbor’s house, maybe something more dire
Is this some kind of dream? Or is it a ruse?
There are lives at stake here, there’s no time to lose!”

When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But an old Roman officer, his voice rang out clear,
“I am Florian, patron to all of your calling,
I am sorry to say you are two of its fallen.

Like the Three Forty Three, like the Charleston Nine
And the Hackensack Six, you have died in the line
Of duty. You were racing to put out a blaze,
But someone who hated the world and its ways

Had decided he wanted to win some cheap fame
By setting a trap, killing whoever came.
Do not be too sad, for though you have died
Today you won your place here in Heaven most high.”

The heroes’ jaws dropped, they could scarce take it in
They had so many questions, where should they begin?
“Do not fear, fallen heroes,” said the saint with a bow
God will see to the care of your families now.

Though the world appears lost, His way is still true,
And it will not be long till this world is renewed.
Come now and behold Him who loved you the most .”
The heroes saluted and followed their host.

But they heard him call out as they entered the light,
“Be strong, true believers, and keep up the fight!”


A father of three, Mike's son Nick lost his two best friends that day. Two little girls with out a daddy. He also was the Lieutenant and Information specialist for the Webster Police Dept.
He won fireman of the year 2 weeks ago.

I hope that Nick will keep on going.
That he will be the man he dreamed of being before this night

Tomasz you can see the flame, courage, and goodness just by looking at him.
He worked through their explorer program and graduated just a year ago.
He also worked as a 911 dispatcher.
 He wanted to help people.
He was just 19 years old.
 Gone to soon.

Here is a link to a memorial to them to "The Firefighter Song" by Paul Cummings.

Four Firemen reported that fateful morning. Joseph Hofstetter and Ted Scardino survived and are still recovering at a local hospital. These two men showed extreme bravery and calmness under fire. They could have panicked, but they stayed calm and kept dispatch and first responders informed of their injuries and that of their fallen comrades and that of the homes that were still burning. Also an off duty Greece policman John Ritter was hit by shrapnel. In all 7 homes were lost but due to their bravery their was no more loss of life. The link below is the radio communications. It shows their extreme bravery but is also very hard to listen to so please listen at your own risk. Thank You and God Bless you brave men.
"Brother hang tight"

"We wish to thank the community, and the nation for the heartwarming response to Monday’s tragic incident. We deeply appreciate your compassion and support as we focus on recovering from our physical wounds. We are humbled and a bit overwhelmed by the outpouring of well wishes for us and our families. We are in good hands and want everyone to know that even though we are able to accept only close ...family visitors, we are so very grateful for your prayers. Like so many others, our thoughts and prayers are with the families of Michael Chiapperini and Tomasz Kaczowka, and with those who lost their homes. Please consider directing any acts of kindness toward others in the community who also need your compassion during this holiday season.” -Ted Scardino and Joseph Hofstetter

 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:13

I have always had a sense of pride being a Fireman's wife, however this Christmas Eve morning my heart felt like it was shattered to pieces. Who could do such an awful thing? I will not give him the fame he wanted, his name will not be mentioned here. This is for the hero's, of that morning and the ones who continue to put on their gear and answer the call. My arms ache to be so far away, I just want to hold their families in my arms and say "We are here for you, this brother and sisterhood let us mourn with you, you are not alone" I have been amazed at the wonderful stories that have come from this event. Food and rooms provided for the first responders who want to pay their respects. Stories of meals being paid by strangers, what an awesome thing. And though I am far away there is one thing I can do. Tie a red ribbon around a tree in memory of our fallen brothers. And though those driving through my neighborhood may not know what it means, it means something to me. And if they ask me I will tell them of the four brave men on Christmas Eve and the two who didn't come home.

I have been seeing the twitter hash tag #WWFD. West Webster Fire Department.
I also like to think of it as What Would Fireman Do?
They keep going, they answer the call, not knowing what they are walking into, but willing to walk there into someones hell to be the answer to the call to that person they are an Angel.
This goes for all first responders, police, fire, ems and dispatch.
They work as one for the greater good
And though it might scare the crap out of me these next few calls
I will not stop him,
for I know that is where he is needed.
And I will stand strong.
I am a Fireman's Wife.