Familes are Forever
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The Watcher
The Watcher
by Margaret Widdemer
She always leaned to watch for us
Anxious if we were late,
In winter by the window,
In summer by the gate.
And though we mocked her tenderly
Who had such foolish care,
The long way home would seem more safe,
Because she waited there.
Her thoughts were all so full of us,
She never could forget,
And so I think that where she is
She must be watching yet.
Waiting ‘til we come home to her
Anxious if we are late
Watching from Heaven’s window
Leaning from Heaven’s gate.
Anxious if we were late,
In winter by the window,
In summer by the gate.
And though we mocked her tenderly
Who had such foolish care,
The long way home would seem more safe,
Because she waited there.
Her thoughts were all so full of us,
She never could forget,
And so I think that where she is
She must be watching yet.
Waiting ‘til we come home to her
Anxious if we are late
Watching from Heaven’s window
Leaning from Heaven’s gate.
This is a picture of my Grandma Greer
Nothing describes her better than this poem.
Her birthday is next week.
I miss her so much.
I love you Grandma!
I can't wait to meet you at Heaven's Gate!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
"You should be dead."
"You should be dead" Dr B told me last week as I sat in his office to follow up on my blood levels. "50 years ago you would have been."
"From the infection or the bleeding?" I asked.
"IF you survived the infection, the bleeding would have done it" He told me "You are the 2nd I have seen in my 15 years of practice with Peritonsillar Abscess, and I talked to one of the ENT specialist and they only see one a year. You are lucky."
The worst month of my life.
Saturday March 10
I woke up at 2am with the horrible ear and throat pain, I paced the floor whimpering. I have never felt so much pain. Not even Labor. I called for an appointment with the weekend clinic as soon as their phones turned on. He did a culture and it came back as Strep. He gave me an antibiotic and said I would be feeling better by Monday.
Monday March 12
The pain is so much worse I am unable to eat or drink, my mouth sounds like I am talking with cotton in it. I call Dr B and he works me in. I have lost 8 lbs since Saturday. Says it is definitely strep and changes my antibiotic and again says I should be better in 2 days.
Thursday March 15
I finally call and ask for a pain medicine, still not feeling better if anything much worse. My mom talks me into going to the ER. I definitely wasn't happy with the ER doc. He barely looked in my mouth. I am unable to speak. I am holding my jaw trying to relieve some pressure. I have lost another 10 lbs. He says I am just dehydrated and give me fluid and an IV pain med. No scans or anything.
Monday March 19
Dr B is out of the office, I get an appointment with the on call doctor. I had to pull over 3 times on the way. I was shaking so bad, so nauseated, and felt like I would pass out. They pull me back and ask for a urine sample. I was so dehydrated I couldn't get one. They tried to get blood work, it took 3 different nurses. The last nurse could tell I was in bad shape. She told me I looked like I had been hit by a truck. The wonderful doctor came in listened to me talk, checked my throat and very quickly stated "You have a severe abscess, I will get you in with a Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) today. And quickly left the room. He was able to get me in that same hour. I called my Dad to come get me because I knew I couldn't drive home and Alex was with the kids. He made it before I saw the doctor and came in with me. Dr V took one look and said "You definitely have a abscess, a peritonsillar abscess which is the lining behind the tonsil not the tonsil its self. We have two options. Take your tonsils out or we can try to drain the infection. It is 80% effective and if it works you wont have to have surgery."
I opted for the later. And almost instantly regretted it. I heard him tell the nurse to get an 18 gauge needle. Being a nurse I know how big that is. Needles come in gauges, the higher the number the smaller the needle. Most blood is drawn with a 21 gauge needle. He comes back in with 2 nurses and tells me that due to the extent of the infection he might not be able numb it all. Yay. He drew 6 cc's of puss off. It actually was pretty cool to see. The most he has ever taken off of anyone. My ear hurt less and I could talk better but I didn't feel much better. He wanted to follow up with me the next day to see if it re accumulated. If it did that would mean surgery.
Tuesday March 20
The verdict: It re accumulated. He asked me when I wanted to go into surgery. That night or the next morning. I choose the next morning hoping the antibiotics would kick in and maybe, just maybe I wouldn't have to have surgery. I get home to learn that 3 of my 4 kids have the stomach flu. My wonderful parents stayed and took care of them, cleaned my house, and did all the laundry. My mom even stayed the night.
Wednesday March 21
6 am we check in for surgery. Needless to say I was a little nervous. Okay a lot nervous. My heart rate was registering 135. Normal is under 80. They had to give me special medicine to bring it down so they could do the surgery. Everything went well. They removed all of the infection. And I just needed to follow up with him the following Thursday.
Recovery was to be expected, lots and LOTS of pain, sleeping in a recliner, and my kids not understanding my mommy wasn't feeling well.
Wednesday March 28
1am I started experiencing this metallic taste in my mouth. I coughed and blood and clots came out. I woke up Alex (my fireman hubby) and we talked about what needed to be done. Hospital? Wait a little see what happened? But it stopped in about a half hour and we thought we were safe.
4pm Alex was at work and I started bleeding again, many more clots and much more blood. I texted him a picture of the clot, he called and said to get to the ER he would meet me there. I called my Dad and he came and took me to the hospital. By then the blood was pouring out of my mouth, staining my teeth and lips. I was scared.
At the ER they got me right back and the doctor was there to check me over before the nurse had even finished. She was a great doctor, very caring and compassionate. I was told that I needed to gargle and spit ice water to hopefully stop the bleeding. I filled 6 of those blue vomit bags. They tried suctioning the clots, they tried to cauterize it using silver nitrate. But at 11pm they decided it was no use. They started prepping me for surgery, taking my blood type and "red tagging" me for a blood transfusion because of the loss of blood.
My brother works in this hospital as an anesthesia tech so the people who came to put me under all knew him. Said I would get the VIP treatment. They were nice and funny. And put me to sleep quickly. This surgery lasted about an hour. They think that because of the degree of infection that it killed some of the surrounding skin and when it came off it caused the bleeding. I stayed until 10am the next morning and was told my recovery would have to start all over again. Yay.
My infection markers are high and I am still very anemic due to the loss of blood but thankfully I didn't have to have a transfusion. But it does make me weak and even simple tasks exhaust me quickly.
My ENT told me I had a better chance of winning the lottery that having all these complications. I should have bought a ticket then I would be rolling in money instead of owing people money.
Today I had wore make up for the first time in a month and wore something besides PJ's while at home. I attended a school function for Lydia, it only lasted an hour but I was so tired when I got back I slept for 3 hours. I followed up with my ENT also today. He said I am healing well and doesn't think I will have a recurrence of bleeding. But that it is not all the way healed yet. So that means no work for 2 more weeks. And that I have to see him again in a month.
Thanks to everyone who has helped with my kids, brought in meals, flowers, and Popsicles. Especially to my Hubby who slept on the couch next to my recliner for 2 weeks and has taken a lot of the duties I do at home. Also my parents for watching the kids, bringing in meals and coming to help me when Alex had to work. I don't thing I could have done it with out them. To my good friend Jaclyn who had hers out the day after mine and has shared in my misery. Thank You to for all your kind thoughts and prayers. I felt them all. I am so lucky. Lucky for the time I live in, the miracles of modern medicine so that I didn't leave my husband a widower and my children with out a mom. It is a scary thought of the "what ifs" I am so glad to be on the road to recovery. I am so thankful for answered prayers and a Father in Heaven who loves and listens to the concerns of my heart. I am so blessed.
"From the infection or the bleeding?" I asked.
"IF you survived the infection, the bleeding would have done it" He told me "You are the 2nd I have seen in my 15 years of practice with Peritonsillar Abscess, and I talked to one of the ENT specialist and they only see one a year. You are lucky."
The worst month of my life.
Saturday March 10
I woke up at 2am with the horrible ear and throat pain, I paced the floor whimpering. I have never felt so much pain. Not even Labor. I called for an appointment with the weekend clinic as soon as their phones turned on. He did a culture and it came back as Strep. He gave me an antibiotic and said I would be feeling better by Monday.
Monday March 12
The pain is so much worse I am unable to eat or drink, my mouth sounds like I am talking with cotton in it. I call Dr B and he works me in. I have lost 8 lbs since Saturday. Says it is definitely strep and changes my antibiotic and again says I should be better in 2 days.
Thursday March 15
I finally call and ask for a pain medicine, still not feeling better if anything much worse. My mom talks me into going to the ER. I definitely wasn't happy with the ER doc. He barely looked in my mouth. I am unable to speak. I am holding my jaw trying to relieve some pressure. I have lost another 10 lbs. He says I am just dehydrated and give me fluid and an IV pain med. No scans or anything.
Monday March 19
Dr B is out of the office, I get an appointment with the on call doctor. I had to pull over 3 times on the way. I was shaking so bad, so nauseated, and felt like I would pass out. They pull me back and ask for a urine sample. I was so dehydrated I couldn't get one. They tried to get blood work, it took 3 different nurses. The last nurse could tell I was in bad shape. She told me I looked like I had been hit by a truck. The wonderful doctor came in listened to me talk, checked my throat and very quickly stated "You have a severe abscess, I will get you in with a Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) today. And quickly left the room. He was able to get me in that same hour. I called my Dad to come get me because I knew I couldn't drive home and Alex was with the kids. He made it before I saw the doctor and came in with me. Dr V took one look and said "You definitely have a abscess, a peritonsillar abscess which is the lining behind the tonsil not the tonsil its self. We have two options. Take your tonsils out or we can try to drain the infection. It is 80% effective and if it works you wont have to have surgery."
I opted for the later. And almost instantly regretted it. I heard him tell the nurse to get an 18 gauge needle. Being a nurse I know how big that is. Needles come in gauges, the higher the number the smaller the needle. Most blood is drawn with a 21 gauge needle. He comes back in with 2 nurses and tells me that due to the extent of the infection he might not be able numb it all. Yay. He drew 6 cc's of puss off. It actually was pretty cool to see. The most he has ever taken off of anyone. My ear hurt less and I could talk better but I didn't feel much better. He wanted to follow up with me the next day to see if it re accumulated. If it did that would mean surgery.
Tuesday March 20
The verdict: It re accumulated. He asked me when I wanted to go into surgery. That night or the next morning. I choose the next morning hoping the antibiotics would kick in and maybe, just maybe I wouldn't have to have surgery. I get home to learn that 3 of my 4 kids have the stomach flu. My wonderful parents stayed and took care of them, cleaned my house, and did all the laundry. My mom even stayed the night.
Wednesday March 21
6 am we check in for surgery. Needless to say I was a little nervous. Okay a lot nervous. My heart rate was registering 135. Normal is under 80. They had to give me special medicine to bring it down so they could do the surgery. Everything went well. They removed all of the infection. And I just needed to follow up with him the following Thursday.
Recovery was to be expected, lots and LOTS of pain, sleeping in a recliner, and my kids not understanding my mommy wasn't feeling well.
Wednesday March 28
1am I started experiencing this metallic taste in my mouth. I coughed and blood and clots came out. I woke up Alex (my fireman hubby) and we talked about what needed to be done. Hospital? Wait a little see what happened? But it stopped in about a half hour and we thought we were safe.
4pm Alex was at work and I started bleeding again, many more clots and much more blood. I texted him a picture of the clot, he called and said to get to the ER he would meet me there. I called my Dad and he came and took me to the hospital. By then the blood was pouring out of my mouth, staining my teeth and lips. I was scared.
At the ER they got me right back and the doctor was there to check me over before the nurse had even finished. She was a great doctor, very caring and compassionate. I was told that I needed to gargle and spit ice water to hopefully stop the bleeding. I filled 6 of those blue vomit bags. They tried suctioning the clots, they tried to cauterize it using silver nitrate. But at 11pm they decided it was no use. They started prepping me for surgery, taking my blood type and "red tagging" me for a blood transfusion because of the loss of blood.
My brother works in this hospital as an anesthesia tech so the people who came to put me under all knew him. Said I would get the VIP treatment. They were nice and funny. And put me to sleep quickly. This surgery lasted about an hour. They think that because of the degree of infection that it killed some of the surrounding skin and when it came off it caused the bleeding. I stayed until 10am the next morning and was told my recovery would have to start all over again. Yay.
My infection markers are high and I am still very anemic due to the loss of blood but thankfully I didn't have to have a transfusion. But it does make me weak and even simple tasks exhaust me quickly.
My ENT told me I had a better chance of winning the lottery that having all these complications. I should have bought a ticket then I would be rolling in money instead of owing people money.
Today I had wore make up for the first time in a month and wore something besides PJ's while at home. I attended a school function for Lydia, it only lasted an hour but I was so tired when I got back I slept for 3 hours. I followed up with my ENT also today. He said I am healing well and doesn't think I will have a recurrence of bleeding. But that it is not all the way healed yet. So that means no work for 2 more weeks. And that I have to see him again in a month.
Thanks to everyone who has helped with my kids, brought in meals, flowers, and Popsicles. Especially to my Hubby who slept on the couch next to my recliner for 2 weeks and has taken a lot of the duties I do at home. Also my parents for watching the kids, bringing in meals and coming to help me when Alex had to work. I don't thing I could have done it with out them. To my good friend Jaclyn who had hers out the day after mine and has shared in my misery. Thank You to for all your kind thoughts and prayers. I felt them all. I am so lucky. Lucky for the time I live in, the miracles of modern medicine so that I didn't leave my husband a widower and my children with out a mom. It is a scary thought of the "what ifs" I am so glad to be on the road to recovery. I am so thankful for answered prayers and a Father in Heaven who loves and listens to the concerns of my heart. I am so blessed.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
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